This post isn’t going to be perfect. It isn’t intended to be. In fact it’s very hard for me to write this.
Yesterday I found out that one of my best friends, Chris Legaspi passed away. He was a young and healthy guy, and the worst part of all, aside from the tons of friends and family he left behind, is that he leaves behind his 3 year old little girl Abigail, who he loved more than life itself.
When I first got the news, all I could say to myself was no. Repeatedly. No, no, no…this can’t be real.
Because out of all of the friends I have, very few have the type of love, compassion, and warmth Chris had. And although I wasn’t able to sleep last night, what I was able to do was think incessantly. And of the many thoughts I had, were the following.
1. Quality Over Quantity
Great friendships aren’t great because of the quantity of friends you have in your life, or the quantity of years you’ve known someone. I’d only known Chris for about 8 years, and we wouldn’t hang out all the time, but it didn’t matter. The quality of friendship was there, even though there were people who knew him for much longer than I did. One of his closest friends actually messaged me to tell me that she knew we were close because he shared with me about his depression, and I learned that he didn’t just share that with anyone – even friends he knew for a very long time.
Quality friendship is about the quality of the friendship that you have with the person when you are with them, much more than how long you’ve known someone. We would talk about life, girls, love, family, depression. I shared with him that I too had battled with depression in my life, and the importance of mentorship and having good influences around you and in your life. I invited him over to watch YouTube videos with me of people who inspire and motivate me, and come up with a game plan for beating his depression. I offered to help him with his first mixtape (he was a DJ) and teach him how to do his own edits in Logic and Ableton Live.
As I saw people write posts on his timeline, something became patently clear to me. There were people who knew him for years who said “RIP bro,” or “Rest in peace,” or things like that. I knew right away that these weren’t people who had the type of quality relationship with Chris that some of us did.
How many people really, truly know you at your core? Not what you show people when you walk outside. But know you deep down, how you’re feeling, even when you don’t say or show it, or seem bothered? Those are your quality people. There won’t be a whole lot of them. But there doesn’t need to be. That’s what makes quality so special. How rare it is.
2. We’re Too Distracted By Bullshit
Excuse the language, but I feel it’s fitting because it comes from my soul. I wish I would have reached out more and spent more time with my friend. But life makes us all so “busy,” right? We’ve got jobs, duties, family, so-called friends on social media streams taking up so much of our conscious attention. But is it all really important? Some of it is, sure. But a lot of it isn’t. It actually takes away from the quality things we have in life.
My friend always had people in his life, because he was a popular DJ, but aside from all of that, he wasn’t happy or surrounded by quality people. I know that feeling all too well. There will be tons of people in your life when you’re a successful person, but very few quality friends who give as much as you give them. I have learned to cut down on the clutter, and the noise, and focus more on the friendships and bonds that really matter to me, and to give up the whole concept of “social” friendship. You’re either a friend or you’re an acquaintance. And friends are like family, they should get your time and attention. It’s that simple.
How many of us are so distracted by BS that we fail to reach out more and pour value, time, energy, and love into the relationships that matter to us most? In modern life, especially for successful people, it is so hard to cut through the clutter and make time, but we have to. Because life is so precious. Those moments are so precious. Even it’s one or two more moments, it doesn’t matter. At the end of our life, we’re not going to reflect back on all the “stuff” we’ve accumulated. We’re gonna reflect back on the bonds we had with people we loved the most. That’s what matters. And I plan to practice what I preach and not live in regret, but rather, grow from the experience and do better.
For anyone who’s interested, and who’s a fan of hip-hop music, I wrote a couple verses for Chris and sang on the hook to a remix of “See You Again,” by Wiz Khalifa. I felt like it would be fitting, since my friend was a true hip-hop head.
I look forward to him telling me one day how dope it was.